don’t feel too bad for me.

but i’m in whining mode:

- it’s hard not having the internet consistently. yes, i know i’m stealing it. yes, i know there are starving kids in africa without the internet at all. yes, i know i’m a dorkus. let’s move on.

- it’s hard being 3,000 miles away from where the celtics’ victory parade just happened a few hours ago. yes, i know i went to 3-4 parades for the red sox and patriots in the past few years. yes, i know the rest of the country hates new england sports domination. yes, i know the patriots are cheaters. let’s move on.

- i have no clue what to do with my life. yes, i know i moved 3,000 miles away to get some kind of direction, inexplicably in the biggest “lack-of-direction” city in the known universe. yes, i know i left a pretty good job behind. yes, i know i’m going to fail and move back to boston in about 15 months. let’s move on.

- i think i’m burning my salmon.

who am i, and what am i doing here?

my biggest regret about this move will always be that i was in l.a. instead of boston when the celtics won championship #17.

who knows where i’ll be when that actually occurs. tonight, i was at fu’s palace, from the 7th minute of the 1st quarter, when the start seemed discouraging; through the end of the 1st half, when an 18-pt deficit seemed insurmountable; to the start of the 3rd quarter, when it looked like the C’s just couldn’t make any headway; to the start of the 4th quarter, with the lakers’ lead down to an improbable 2 points; to the glorious final minutes that saw the celtics complete one of the greatest comebacks in nba history.

wow. just… wow.

and here i am, like a shnook, in enemy territory.

instead of boston.

instead of somerville.

or even malden. or jp. or haverhill. or brookline. or allston/brighton.

no.

i’m in l.a.

and the celtics are about to shock the already-shocked world.

because we haven’t had an update so far.

let’s check in, shall we?

- i still have no job

- i am running out of money (but not plastic. hooray!)

- i have now baked 2 fantastic cobblers

- i’ve discovered trader joe’s and i like paying less money (that i don’t have)

- the celtics should probably win game 4 tonight if they want to keep the upper hand

- speaking of which, i just registered for a networking event that’s being held next thursday, the night of a potential game 7. C’s in 6, please!

- tomorrow is the 16th anniversary of my bar mitzvah. today is the 16th anniversary of the day i saw sister act.

betty crocker i ain’t.

i just made a peach-apricot cobbler! i wish you could all taste it. i don’t know if it’s any good but it smells pretty awesome.

celts-lakers tip off in just 50 minutes. let’s hope this is a victory cobbler!

i hate being a bill simmons ditto-head

but this tremendously long blog-post covers not only the rollercoaster celtics win over the lakers last night, but also the general boston-area renaissance of the last ten yers (not just sports, but civically).

thanks, bill, now i miss it even more than before. when is this stupid open-ended vacation gonna be over?

i would advise against the shrimp toast

fu’s palace. on pico. my new haunt.

it’s odd to find yourself in a new city with absolutely no way to watch your favorite basketball team play in their first NBA finals in 21 years. very odd. not only do i not have a tv. not only do i not have a radio. but i haven’t a single friend in l.a. who could really care at all about the celtics. on top of that, i don’t know any bars or restaurants around here. i literally had to walk into every place on pico that looked like it might have a bar and ask them if they a) had a bar and b) had a tv.

as luck would have it, fu’s palace had both.

6 beers and 2 appetizers later, i stumbled home, the celtics having won game 1 in warrior-like fashion.

less sam cassell, more eddie house, please.

and let’s keep our fingers crossed that paul pierce doesn’t necessarily need to destroy his knee in order to win a championship this month.

although, we all know what he’d be willing to do to win a championship.

green 17!

i’m afraid to turn off my computer.

oddly, i’m picking up the internet at my apartment this morning. it makes me giddy with delight.

the NBA playoffs begin tonight. i pick the C’s in 7 games. so does espn’s bill simmons. clearly, we’re insane.

i’ve been here for nearly 2 weeks. i left boston nearly 3 weeks ago. i haven’t had cable in 8 weeks. i feel so disconnected from the red sox already that i feel disoriented and sad. merv called me yesterday and left me a voicemail: “tough break about big papi,” he said. i had no idea what he was talking about. turns out, david ortiz went down with a wrist problem and could be out until september. where was i when this happened?

where was i when manny hit HR number 500?

where was i when jon lester pitched a no-hitter?

maybe these things matter to me far too much. maybe it’ll be good for me to be disconnected for a summer.

or maybe, once i get a job, i’ll buy a new flat-panel HDTV and get a frigging MLB hook-up so i can go back to watching every game.

instead, at about 5:30pm every day, i call an 800 number and say “sports. baseball. red sox” and a chipper robotic voice says something like “currently, the red sox are leading tampa bay 4-to-1 in the 4th.”

i love-slash-hate the modern world.

you need us, america.

now that task #1 can be checked off the list, i can turn towards something really important:

the 2008 nba playoffs.

you heard me.

naturally, following on the heels of football and baseball, basketball has had a huge resurgence in the boston area thanks to the brilliant paul pierce, the acquisition of ray allen, KG, a slew of clutch bench players and the developing star-antics of one kendick perkins and one rajon “johnny” rondo.

why do you care?

because last night the lakers won the western conference. even if you care nothing about basketball or sports, you can appreciate the implications of the following sentence:

kobe bryant might win another championship next month.

trust me, america, you don’t want that. you know you don’t want that. and KG and pierce and company are the only ones that stand in his way and can stop the madness. you think the lakers don’t want detriot in the finals? think again: it’s a 4-game sweep against the pistons.

to the best of my knowledge, neither KG nor pierce nor any current celtic has been accused of sexually assaulting a woman in the state of colorado. correct me if i’m wrong.

america, you may be fed up with boston sports, and while i don’t agree with your stance on the issue, i can certainly see why. but america, you need us. the same way you needed us against the yankees for lo those many years (before you — incorrectly — began comparing us to them). the same way you needed the 2001 patriots against the st. louis rams.

you need us because, in a classic case of sports hyperbole, there’s a simple equation:

celtics = the big 3 = good.

lakers = kobe = evil.

1 or 2 games to go before the finals. unless you live in michigan, you better be rooting for the green.